What issues are beating the hell out of you, year after year? Do you find yourself predictably tearing up during Hallmark commercials? Do you lose your confidence and composure around certain people? Are you stuck in second-guessing yourself, unable to make a decision to save your life? Are you held captive by your fears? Do you keep worrying yourself sick about things you know probably won’t happen? Or maybe it happened again last night. After weeks of shoving down your feelings, did some stupid little thing set you off and you blew your stack?
Regardless of what it is, when you don’t have a solution that can help you stop feeling what you don’t want to be feeling or doing what you don’t want to be doing, you’re left with perceiving your undesirable reactions and patterns as problems, character defects, personal deficiencies, failures. You try to find ways to cope with yourself and compensate for your reactions. You build bridges over your pain. You learn to manage and sidestep your triggers. You mask your reactions. Or maybe you try to avoid them, ignore them, or distract yourself from them. Or maybe you’ve gotten to the point of rationalizing them away, or justifying them.
What else can you do without a solution? You do the best you can. But what you don’t do, is you don’t deal with them. And issues that don’t get dealt with don’t disappear. They just go underground, getting stronger and more and more entrenched over time. And they cycle back to you again and again. I’ll never forget what a 67 year-old client said to me. She said, “I’ve been sweeping this issue under the carpet for the last 30 years, and in that time, it’s grown into a boa constrictor that has now wrapped itself around my neck.”
Anonymous says, “The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way one uses them.” And I say the way one uses them depends on how one perceives them, what one believes about them. What do you believe about truly resolving your issues? Do you see your issues as stumbling bocks? Impassable blockades? Or stepping stones?
As a counselor specializing in the transformational technology of Core Belief Engineering, I don’t see your issues as impediments or weaknesses or character flaws. I see them as the presenting symptoms of self-limiting core beliefs formed in your childhood – the natural, inevitable, outward manifestation of your mind doing what it was designed to do – help and protect you – to the best of its ability at the time.
Core Belief Engineering has taught me to look at the mind as a compartmentalization of distinct parts, each with its own belief systems, coping strategies, and defense mechanisms.
These parts are formed when major core beliefs and decisions are made about how to cope with an emotionally difficult situation. So, for instance, as a child, perhaps you felt emotionally abandoned by your mother. Or maybe you felt threatened and totally alone in the world because of being bullied. If you were left to deal with an emotionally difficult situation on your own (as most of us were) you did the best you could to deal with it with the limited knowledge, understanding, and experience of life that you had at the time.
Now you weren’t aware of this when it happened but parts of you were formed to help protect you from the pain of that difficult situation. Your mind formed a compartment that acts as a holding tank for everything you experienced at that time. It contains the energy and unresolved emotions attached to the experience – the empty, lonely, perhaps terrifying absence of your mother’s inability to really be there for you, her unresolved pain blocking her from being able to love you, connect to you, or receive your love, and the void that that created in you… Or the words, tones, laughter, and meanness of the bullies, the energy of what they did and how they made you burn with embarrassment and shame, your anger, your rage, your helplessness, your fear of going to school… Everything relating to those challenging experiences get stored, including the core beliefs you created at that time that you may not even remember or be aware of: “I’m alone in the world,” “If my own mother can’t love me, I must really be unlovable,” I can’t trust anyone,” “There must be something wrong with me,” “The world is a dangerous place,” “Other people are cruel,” “I’m not good enough…” These core beliefs are generalizations, exaggerations, catastrophizations, sweeping black and white conclusions, and clearly untrue. But they are very real examples of the kinds of beliefs we form early on when we are left to our own devices, that get entrenched in our minds and continue to impact us as adults.
And it continues! Also stored in your protective part is all of the associated decisions, triggers, patterns, coping strategies, and defense mechanisms connected to the painful experience. The decision to withdraw your love, to shut down, to not need anyone, to push your mother away, to not trust her expressions of love when she did show them; Or the decision to try your best to not be seen, to do everything in your power to avoid confrontations, or the strategy to hate and berate yourself before anyone else did so it didn’t hurt as bad when they did, etc. All of these decisions and strategies are stemming from the logic of your core beliefs. Your protective part has become a closed, self-reinforcing system in your mind. Maybe you can relate to what I’m saying. The same beliefs repeat. The same feelings get triggered. Like a mechanism in your mind.
The way I see it is these parts are your inner soldiers, positively motivated to take care of you the best they can. They were not formed to hurt you or act against your best interests. Quite the opposite. Even though these parts might be responsible for making you emotionally shut down and afraid today, they were originally created for helpful, supportive reasons. But because these parts remain suspended in a time warp of when they were originally formed, they automatically filter your current perception of reality and influence your present-day thoughts, feelings, and actions. As an adult, every time you’re faced with a situation that triggers your original beliefs, you respond from this automatic program created in your childhood. This is why you might respond with an irrational, immature, exaggerated, or disproportionate response to any given situation. You still might be keeping yourself at arms length from love. You might be super sensitive to rejection and afraid of abandonment. You might still be afraid of confrontation and living your life avoiding conflict at any cost.
I see whatever issues you’re struggling with as your mind’s best attempts to help protect you. Yes, beliefs and reactions are outdated and counterproductive. Yes, your parts are not in touch with your currently reality. And what you’ve come to know intellectually about yourself and life may still be totally out of sync with what you feel emotionally about yourself and life. But I want you to know that there are specific, logical, trace-back-able, solvable reasons for why you are the way you are, why you do what you do, and why you feel what you feel. Everything you need to heal the issues currently limiting you is contained within your mind. The solution is built into the matrix or the fabric of the problem itself. You just need a way to get to it.
I have become a specialist in the way to get to it. Core Belief Engineering was created specifically to help you get to the very core of what’s driving your undesirable behaviours and look at it, unwind it, and completely re-engineer it. As your guide, I don’t have the answers. You do. But I know what questions to ask to help you elicit the answers that are sitting right there waiting to be discovered. As your guide, I welcome and embrace your presenting issues because I know that through dialoguing directly with the parts responsible for your unwanted feelings and reactions, we can totally transform your current pain and stuckness. These parts can be updated and re-engineered. Everything you’re struggling with can be fixed. It’s just a matter of doing the work.
Imagine for a minute that your “problems” are actually portals to resolution and healing. Imagine not having to turn away from them anymore, but stepping into them, knowing that a technology exists that can help you transform your issues and get beyond them. If you partner with me to journey within and face your issues with Core Belief Engineering, your presenting issue will be resolved. Yes. Your presenting problems will be resolved. Imagine what would open up for you if you could resolve what is currently holding you back. Imagine the possibilities! Imagine no longer being held captive by the pain of your past. Imagine not being triggered and reactive. Imagine the freedom, the relief, the empowerment of being in command of yourself. Imagine having greater peace of mind, increased self-confidence, inner support, and a feeling of wholeness inside yourself. All of this is possible.
I know this because I’ve done it. But I didn’t do it alone. And you don’t have to do it alone. Your problem is the portal. And I’m holding the key.
Everyone has issues. I can help you resolve yours. Call me, and let’s talk. SCHEDULE FREE CONSULTATION